new year

happy new year

its almost 2009

the year only has about 3 hours left

take this as a time to look back at the good times
for some that is more then other, cus i only have a few good times

any who, happy 2009

break

break has been boring the only good thing ive done is go book shopping at a used book store, i love used things, there so full of life. any who, i got 11 books that should be good, but i havent started yet.

yesterday my mom took me to a surprize visit to the dentist to get me a root canal, but i lucked out and didnt have 2 get it!!!!! yaaaaa!!!!!
well i still have to get it after the first of the year.

i also have to get a blood test after the 1st of the year to, its gona suck

home sick

this past week, ive been homesick, really really homesick.

i miss my old home alot. these past few weeks have been really really hard. i miss it so much, it was the only place ive truely felt save, this place isnt home and it never will be.

i miss the way i would sit on my bed with the windows open right after it rained and it would just be perfect, i would feel save and at home. it was the last time i truely felt happy.

i miss it so much i just wish i could have that again, have that feeling again.

merry late christmas

happy late christmas


sry everyone ive been out of it lately and havent written anything


but any who, merry late christmas

hope you all had a good one

recap

sry guys i havent been on for a while.


lifes been hecktak, my dad fell and broke his rip, so im stuck doing all the work.


im now on christmas break, and im stuck in this house for 2 1/2 weeks.

the only good thing is my grandparents are up here with me, THANK GOD!!!!!!!

ill try to write more later

help

okay

i need some advise on what to do.

i write this blog anonymously as you may know, and well my best friends are kinda of affened that i wont tell them what the address is. but if i tell this im going to have to change some of my wrightings, cus some are about them and things i dont want them to know, it not like im wrighting anything bad its just my feeling on situations that happen.

what do i do?
do i tell them?
do i not tell them?

sleep problems

its like 130 in the morning. but like always i cant fall asleep.
my kitten midnight is here to help me blog.
i cant fall asleep and yet the past week ive only gotten about 20 hours of sleep.
the other factor is that i dont want to sleep cus then ill dream, and that nightmare is just to real.
i have to get up for school on about 6 hours.
hmm i wonder if im going to have school tomarrow or if we get a snow day.

midnight says
*purr*
*purr*
'mommy pet me, scratch me behind the ears'

snow day

snow day!!!!!
we had a snow day today. im not snowed in, but we do have snow. my friends that live closer to the mountain got snowed in so no school.

up sides
* no school
*snow ball fights

down sides
*i have to spend the day at home
*we going to have more homework tomarrow

nightmares

i up late again blogging.

i cant sleep, scratch that i wont sleep

every time i sleep i get these weird dreams that ive been kidnapped and i running to get help. someone is there with me i just cant see who it is. but i know their there. i run but they find me, the hold a knif to my neck, i try to scream but i cant, i try to run but i cant. there are to off them, they took me, but i dont know who they are, i dont see faces.


i know this all sound crazy but its not, its to real. and what kreeps me out most is my best friend alexa is having them to. exsept hers are about her and mine are about me.


any ideas to what they mean?

today

today showed me a few things,

1) most of my friends care nothing about me

2) if they care at all its about if im mad at them or not, not if im ok or if im upset



i wasnt in a good mood today so i just avoided people, my friends all asked me if i was ok and i said no

well unlike good friends they just walked away

how very nice of them

disneyland

Ok, we decided to go to Disneyland this weekend and well, it didn’t go to well. A few things went wrong,
1st we get going and 3 hours later the car starts making weird noises, It was coming from the front and it was vibrating the steering wheel, this was going down I-5

2nd we call a tow truck and it comes to get us. Well, they got us and towed us to a pep boy in Hanford, California. This is where it gets weird; my cousin who was driving took the mechanics for a spin around the block to show them what was wrong. But they found NOTHING WRONG with it, so they patted us on the head and sent us on our way, with a clean bill of health.

3rd we go about 18 miles down the road and it started doing it AGAIN. By that time we had had enough and just decided to go home.

4th it got louder and worse, but the worst part is you couldn’t predict, it was acting like a 3 year old, it was ANNOYING and RANDOM.

5th we make it almost home and croak, goes bye bye and dies. 12 ½ hours after we left were 45 minutes away from home. The girls weekend we had planned turned in to the girls can do it on our own weekend.


Theories
My theory
· The car has a ghost in it that doesn’t like me
· The car has a 6th sense, and something baad was going to happen if we went to L.A

Nikki’s theory
· We always get blessed by nana Vi, and because we didn’t it gave us bad juju

Aunt Donna’s theory
· That cus my shoe lace weren’t tied it was my entire fault, that the shoes did it, and this is apparently also the reason I fall a lot to.

Aunt Donna’s theory got disproved cus I tied my shoes but the bad juju, and 6th sense and my ghost are still in play, we don’t know what it is but I will keep you informed.

If I’m not at school next week known that were still waiting for a tow truck or the ghost got us.

If I’m at school on tueday I won’t be on Friday

And next weekend were going to do this again

cant sleep.

since i moved up here in the middle of know where i havent need as much sleep i only get about 4 hours a night. im a lot paler then i was before by a lot, i used to be....well, tan. i think this place messed with my head, cuz i havent been the same since i moved up here.

shadow-kissed

for any of you that havent read shadow-kissed yet and are going to dont read this post and i mean dont. if you do it will ruin the whole book for you.



for those of you that have i want you oppion on this book.



i thought it was good untill dimitri became a strogin!!!!!!!!!!!! how could they let that happen. i wanted a happy ending not an unhappy one. i also didnt like rose leaving, i like her reason for leaving but i dont think she should have done it, but i guess that she does or did love him so it was with the right idea, and he would have wanted it.


my theroy
my thought is that dimitri is a strogin but still has his sanity and acts like a dhampire and just needs blood to live. or at least thats what i hope.


leave me your thought

empty

ever since i woke up this morning i felt empty. like not all me soul is here, like part of me is gone. i dont know why i feal this way i just kinda do. i feel like my soul is trying to tell me somthing but i dont know what.

mabey im just crazy or insain, who knows. i was thinking today how most people who are sad, upset or depressed say things like 'i wish i was happy again' but the thing is that i havent felt truly happy in a long long time. theres always been some dark thig fallowing me, like me mom being a drunk, my parents doing pot, moving.

smart smart me *continued

ok so they patched every thing up and are going out. and lucky me im still in the middle of this fun fun fun
lucky me, smart me
this is going to be weird at school
i wish i would have stayed out of it but im stuck in it now, lucky me
smart me

smart smart me

i just helped the guy i like get the girl he likes, my best freind. the guy i like is also my best friend. but stilll i shouldnt have done that. i wish i wouldnt have, it was very very stupid of me. great!!!!

im talking to him right now and hes asking me what to say to her. lucky me, this is weird.

ok so shes mad at him and hes crying, crying. talk a bout drama. i dont think ive ever seen i guy cry

thanksgiving

i have a week off from school and it wont be fun. i have to spend it with my moms side. that means no black lipstick or nail polish and no dark colors. this is going to be a very very long week!!!! not fun, not fun!!!!!!

like i said this is going to be a very long long week

teath

i got a cavitty in my tooth from when i was in 4th grade, well the cavitty came out, i spit it out yesterday in class. so my mom made me a dentist apointment. well because i lost a filling(not my fault) i had to get a root canal i sat with my mouth open for 3 hours strait and there not even 1/2 way done. i have to go back 2 marrow and again nexst week uggggggg!!!!!!!! i hate it

friend problem *sigh

my supposed to be friend is mad at me for talking to the guy she likes. I'm friends with both of them Ive known them a while and she like him a LOT but it annoying for me cuz I'm friends with both of them. shes being a total bitch because shes telling me to stop hanging out with him and not to call him anymore. i don't think she gets that guys and girls can be friends without being more then friends. hmmm.......what do i do? leave me a comment

shool dance

the school dance was interesting, i thought it was fun except for the screaming girls and guys being jerks. i had fun with my friends though

i know this is completely off subject but I'm sitting out side on the computer typing and a car just stopped in the middle of the road and starred at me, i cant see who it is though, but it scares me, i live in a place where if i scream no one will hear me so you know why I'm scared. OK it just pulled away thank god. that was creepy. OK I'm going in the house. like i said that was creepy.

anyway back to the school dance it was fun, but my 2 close guy friends asked me to dance and it was very awkward. i mean there like brothers to me and we know way to much a bout each other even though Ive only known them like 5 months. but it was still awkward

shopping

my mom and dad took me shopping to day at these really preppy store, and i hated it. we have a school dance coming up and they wanted to buy me a dress. i didn't find anything at all. it was either pink and preppy or like $250. so on the way home we stopped at a thrift store, i luv thrift stores because you can get things really cheep there. i found this lace top that has a low box cut, and i luv it. ill i need now is a skirt or pants to go with it. did i mention my parents hated the top. but i don't care, i like it.

hold out

i dont think i can hold out much longer. i need serious help, im just not the type of person to ask for it. ive bottled everything up for my whole life and now its finaly coming out but its to much to bear. its over welming and i lot to take in(i HATE it!!!!!). i dont think anyone up here gets what im feeling they just think im a freaky gothic/emo chick that doesnt have feeling and is only a person so it doesnt matter how the treat her. im not a very vilent person but im going to end up killing them one day(not litteraly).

icons

more icons i found online

gambling

my parents are out gambling again. so im stuck at home by my self(again) this is yet a nother reason i hate it up here, its close to 2 casino(uggg!!!!!) witch means more money goes in to them and less goes to food or things we need, like cloths, i only have like 7 pairs of pants, 15 shirts, and 2 pairs of shoes. they complain how broke we are and yet they spend about $300 a month in a casino gambling.


ps. i still HATE it up here

my other blog

i just started this other blog called random dark poetry(randomdarkpoetry.blogspot.com). its poetry or sayings thats been sitting in my note book for a while now so im putting them in a blog. so check it out if you like this blog you might like the other one

vampire kisses

vampire kisses one of my favortie books

glass house books

glass house books
shane

micheal eve

claire

more icons

things i found online

court update

ok so my parents are going to a new judge and they think he might drop the charges but i dont think i want that to happen. i want them to pay the price, they broke the law they should get punished. they think that if they do charge them and then go with the full sentance that they might not get jail time. but they might also loose me, witch might not be so bad but i dont think i want to go live with my aunt and uncle. my grandparents are to old for me to stay with them. my brother already has 5 kids, 3 that live with him. and my other brother lives in dc, so its kinda far away. but i think i would reather live with him then stay here in hell. no matter witch house they put me in im sleeping on a coach thats if they loose me if not im still here in hell

casino's

I’ve spent the last 2 days in a casino. The `rents like to gamble a lot. And it sucks. I never know if when I get home they will be there or if they’ll be at a casino. Then again it might just be there cover story. They might be buying drugs or even selling them. Who really knows?

court + my parents

Parents are due in court tomorrow so I’m stuck with nana and papa(lucky me) I love them and all but nana wants me to be this bright little pink dress wearing good girl which we all know won’t happen to soon. I miss the way are family used to be before my parents stared drugs and moved me to hell. When I could tell my mom things and could hang out in my house without wanting to puke from the smell of pot. My parents keep asking me why I don’t have friends over but what I’m I supposed to say “yes”, then have my friends walk in to the house and smell drugs. What am I supposed to do? Let them come over so I just try to zone out the world again and it works really well.

still hating life

i still hate my life. i might be able to handel it if i didnt have to live here in hell. i dont think my `rents get how much i hate it up here, how much its killign me. everytime i try to say something they change the subject or say something like " there just jelouse of you" or "the guys just like you" or some thing like that witch we all know there just making up i mean sometimes its true but when its the whole school its not. i dotn think they get what im cababel of and how much i just want to get a way ill do just about anything i dont think i can make it to 18 bye that time ill have run a way or be dead.

`rents

my `rents(perents) are threating to take away my computer because they think my room isnt clean anofe, witch is not true my room is pleant clean you can still see the floor. my dad calls it the "black hole" but i do tend to lose things, not my fault it just tend to go poof. did i mention that my brother put the thought of finishing school in to there mind. i dont think i would do to well, it would drive me off the deep end even more, just what i need. if they want to get me disiplins send me to boarding school at least then i wouldnt have to deal with this hell they call home. i dont think i can make it till 18 its to long. i just wish ....that...i dont know....i wasnt here in hell that i was with my freinds at home in the bay area the one they took me from to move me up to hell. my friend(that thinks im crazy) just says i need i boyfriend and it will all be ok and ill be happy but i dont think that will help since a) she knows nothing thats wrong with me she just sees the mask i put on b) i tend not to let people get to close to me cuz then they try to get me to be a happy little girl c) i dont need anymore stress then i all ready have

happy halloween

ok i know its a little late but HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!!!!!!!!! anyways i was a prep for halloween(sry to anyone that is a prep) i got a lot of candy(yum). and it was really really fun, i even wore pink(i still hate pink) i went over to my friends house(who just happens to have the same name as me[scary]). trick or treating up here sucks, it was fun but you dont get a lot of cant and the houses are really far apart. i sucked and we had to go with her little sibs not saying that i dont like kids they just tend to think im scarry. but they just slowed us down, and wined that there feet hurt.

stupid boys

these two boys lets call them billy and bob(witch FYI are nothing close)wont stop fallowing me and my friends. we will be sitting down at lunch or outside waitting for class and thee just seem to show up oiut of know where. its CREEPY. when me and my friend are talking about really weird things and were hoping no ones walks up the just kinda show up. the i start to laugh because thats just my luck, the i look at my friend and we kinda talk with out saying anything, then we both start to laugh and they think were crazy(witch we are) and they wont leave us alone. and not to say i dont like them as friend but i tend to zone out the world a lot and then they tend to snap me back in witch i dont like at all

school FREAKS

i dont think my school can go a day with out trying to humilate me o rmake fun of me. 24/7 i here things like "its not halloweeen" or "freak, wanna-bes". my whloe school thinks there all that and have to make fun of ohter peoples lifes just to feel better about theres. i feel sad for them because theyll never know true happiness(not that i do). anyway there all jerks who try to make me feel worse about my self but they really cant they just think they can, and they try no stop but it doesnt work.

my cat

i sware to god my cat is out to get me. it will be midnight and ill be reading and ill gett to a really dramatic part and my EVIL cat will jump on the screen. my cat lets me know he wants in by jumping on my window, he does it rightr when im in a drimatic part of my book or im just about to fall a sleep and you hear a jump and a bang and then a fall back down.

sleep

i havent been able to fall a sleep till like 3 am for the last like mounth and its getting to me. and when i do sleep i have the real wierd dreams were i fell someone watching me. i also dont rember my dream just what it was a bout. and latly ive been dreaming a bout things like a place or a person, that ive never seen before and then the next day i seee it. it scares me a lot.

generation dead

i was up late reading(again), the book generation dead and once again i wish i was the main chareter, phoebe. i wish my bestfriends were undead. she has two boys fighting for here, both undead, and shes goth like me. by the way if you dont know there making a second book called "kiss of life" it has a pic of phoebe(i think) in a coffin and adam(i think) leaning over her. it comes out in may and i cant wait.

my hair

my 'rents final let me die my hair red i like it but i wisk they would have let me die it white. but i guess i just cant win everything.

its not halloween

every single day i have to hear the idoits in my class say "its not hallowee" its so frikin anoying. there all idotic hicks that dont know 2 plus 2 there all idoits and i have to put up with them 5 days a week

eviltown

ever since i moved here ive been different i wasnt goth or emo before i came here. i was i normal girl with lots of friends. but something up in this godforsaking town killed good sane me so now there only partly sain and insain suisitle me, NOT GOOD. i think i need to get out of this stupid town as soon as posible if not there wont be any of me left.

my school

the only reason people go to school(besides my evil parents making me) is to be with friends. well when you only have one friend that misses a lot of school its kinda hard. my hole school says to me daily 'its not halloween'. there all idiots. they dont get that i like to be different and an outcast. the only way your popular now a days is if you a dum preppy blond cheerleader whos daddy buys them everything they could ever want. did i mention school sucks!!!!!!!!! and i hate my life.

snaping

im about ready to snap, i cant take it any more. i just want to give up say good bye one last time. some of you ill miss you and some i wont. i dont think i can take not having my friends with me at all times. i talk to my self more than any normal person. i should never ever be left a lone i do very bad things when im alone

so tired

i havent slept in like 3 weeks well ok not 3 weeks only three days but still its a lot of sleep to miss.

books

i used to hate books but now i use them to get a way from life. to let me forget if only for a little while. get my self into a book and i cant put it down. i want to become the person in the book, cuz the always have the perfect life. well sadly i dont so ill just have to keep escaping in to the books.

my parents

my mom has serious problems. she was a drunk but is now a drug addict. my mom & dad dont know that i know but i do sadly. i walk home from school and open the door and smell pot. it sucks!!!!!!!!! 6 months ago they were charged with growing pot and selling it. then it got published in the news paper. after all that messing up my life they moved my to this hick town in the middle of know where. if i havent said it already MY LIFE SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!! im the only goth in this town so every one thinks im a weird gothic wana be. but they wouldnt know goth if it bit them on the butt. so any way my parents are bitches that i HATE!!! i dont think they know im here any more. well thats it for now later

intro

my life sucks!!!! being a gothic chick in a town full of hicks is hard, and when you have no real friends its even harder. in hate my life!!!!!!!!!!!!! life is a game i just cant win and no this is not some starieo type i made up