cant sleep.
since i moved up here in the middle of know where i havent need as much sleep i only get about 4 hours a night. im a lot paler then i was before by a lot, i used to be....well, tan. i think this place messed with my head, cuz i havent been the same since i moved up here.
for any of you that havent read shadow-kissed yet and are going to dont read this post and i mean dont. if you do it will ruin the whole book for you.
for those of you that have i want you oppion on this book.
i thought it was good untill dimitri became a strogin!!!!!!!!!!!! how could they let that happen. i wanted a happy ending not an unhappy one. i also didnt like rose leaving, i like her reason for leaving but i dont think she should have done it, but i guess that she does or did love him so it was with the right idea, and he would have wanted it.
my theroy
my thought is that dimitri is a strogin but still has his sanity and acts like a dhampire and just needs blood to live. or at least thats what i hope.
leave me your thought
ever since i woke up this morning i felt empty. like not all me soul is here, like part of me is gone. i dont know why i feal this way i just kinda do. i feel like my soul is trying to tell me somthing but i dont know what.
mabey im just crazy or insain, who knows. i was thinking today how most people who are sad, upset or depressed say things like 'i wish i was happy again' but the thing is that i havent felt truly happy in a long long time. theres always been some dark thig fallowing me, like me mom being a drunk, my parents doing pot, moving.
ok so they patched every thing up and are going out. and lucky me im still in the middle of this fun fun fun
lucky me, smart me
this is going to be weird at school
i wish i would have stayed out of it but im stuck in it now, lucky me
smart me
i just helped the guy i like get the girl he likes, my best freind. the guy i like is also my best friend. but stilll i shouldnt have done that. i wish i wouldnt have, it was very very stupid of me. great!!!!
im talking to him right now and hes asking me what to say to her. lucky me, this is weird.
ok so shes mad at him and hes crying, crying. talk a bout drama. i dont think ive ever seen i guy cry
i have a week off from school and it wont be fun. i have to spend it with my moms side. that means no black lipstick or nail polish and no dark colors. this is going to be a very very long week!!!! not fun, not fun!!!!!!
like i said this is going to be a very long long week
i got a cavitty in my tooth from when i was in 4th grade, well the cavitty came out, i spit it out yesterday in class. so my mom made me a dentist apointment. well because i lost a filling(not my fault) i had to get a root canal i sat with my mouth open for 3 hours strait and there not even 1/2 way done. i have to go back 2 marrow and again nexst week uggggggg!!!!!!!! i hate it
my supposed to be friend is mad at me for talking to the guy she likes. I'm friends with both of them Ive known them a while and she like him a LOT but it annoying for me cuz I'm friends with both of them. shes being a total bitch because shes telling me to stop hanging out with him and not to call him anymore. i don't think she gets that guys and girls can be friends without being more then friends. hmmm.......what do i do? leave me a comment
the school dance was interesting, i thought it was fun except for the screaming girls and guys being jerks. i had fun with my friends though
i know this is completely off subject but I'm sitting out side on the computer typing and a car just stopped in the middle of the road and starred at me, i cant see who it is though, but it scares me, i live in a place where if i scream no one will hear me so you know why I'm scared. OK it just pulled away thank god. that was creepy. OK I'm going in the house. like i said that was creepy.
anyway back to the school dance it was fun, but my 2 close guy friends asked me to dance and it was very awkward. i mean there like brothers to me and we know way to much a bout each other even though Ive only known them like 5 months. but it was still awkward
my mom and dad took me shopping to day at these really preppy store, and i hated it. we have a school dance coming up and they wanted to buy me a dress. i didn't find anything at all. it was either pink and preppy or like $250. so on the way home we stopped at a thrift store, i luv thrift stores because you can get things really cheep there. i found this lace top that has a low box cut, and i luv it. ill i need now is a skirt or pants to go with it. did i mention my parents hated the top. but i don't care, i like it.
i dont think i can hold out much longer. i need serious help, im just not the type of person to ask for it. ive bottled everything up for my whole life and now its finaly coming out but its to much to bear. its over welming and i lot to take in(i HATE it!!!!!). i dont think anyone up here gets what im feeling they just think im a freaky gothic/emo chick that doesnt have feeling and is only a person so it doesnt matter how the treat her. im not a very vilent person but im going to end up killing them one day(not litteraly).
my parents are out gambling again. so im stuck at home by my self(again) this is yet a nother reason i hate it up here, its close to 2 casino(uggg!!!!!) witch means more money goes in to them and less goes to food or things we need, like cloths, i only have like 7 pairs of pants, 15 shirts, and 2 pairs of shoes. they complain how broke we are and yet they spend about $300 a month in a casino gambling.
ps. i still HATE it up here
i just started this other blog called random dark poetry(randomdarkpoetry.blogspot.com). its poetry or sayings thats been sitting in my note book for a while now so im putting them in a blog. so check it out if you like this blog you might like the other one
ok so my parents are going to a new judge and they think he might drop the charges but i dont think i want that to happen. i want them to pay the price, they broke the law they should get punished. they think that if they do charge them and then go with the full sentance that they might not get jail time. but they might also loose me, witch might not be so bad but i dont think i want to go live with my aunt and uncle. my grandparents are to old for me to stay with them. my brother already has 5 kids, 3 that live with him. and my other brother lives in dc, so its kinda far away. but i think i would reather live with him then stay here in hell. no matter witch house they put me in im sleeping on a coach thats if they loose me if not im still here in hell
I’ve spent the last 2 days in a casino. The `rents like to gamble a lot. And it sucks. I never know if when I get home they will be there or if they’ll be at a casino. Then again it might just be there cover story. They might be buying drugs or even selling them. Who really knows?
Parents are due in court tomorrow so I’m stuck with nana and papa(lucky me) I love them and all but nana wants me to be this bright little pink dress wearing good girl which we all know won’t happen to soon. I miss the way are family used to be before my parents stared drugs and moved me to hell. When I could tell my mom things and could hang out in my house without wanting to puke from the smell of pot. My parents keep asking me why I don’t have friends over but what I’m I supposed to say “yes”, then have my friends walk in to the house and smell drugs. What am I supposed to do? Let them come over so I just try to zone out the world again and it works really well.
i still hate my life. i might be able to handel it if i didnt have to live here in hell. i dont think my `rents get how much i hate it up here, how much its killign me. everytime i try to say something they change the subject or say something like " there just jelouse of you" or "the guys just like you" or some thing like that witch we all know there just making up i mean sometimes its true but when its the whole school its not. i dotn think they get what im cababel of and how much i just want to get a way ill do just about anything i dont think i can make it to 18 bye that time ill have run a way or be dead.
my `rents(perents) are threating to take away my computer because they think my room isnt clean anofe, witch is not true my room is pleant clean you can still see the floor. my dad calls it the "black hole" but i do tend to lose things, not my fault it just tend to go poof. did i mention that my brother put the thought of finishing school in to there mind. i dont think i would do to well, it would drive me off the deep end even more, just what i need. if they want to get me disiplins send me to boarding school at least then i wouldnt have to deal with this hell they call home. i dont think i can make it till 18 its to long. i just wish ....that...i dont know....i wasnt here in hell that i was with my freinds at home in the bay area the one they took me from to move me up to hell. my friend(that thinks im crazy) just says i need i boyfriend and it will all be ok and ill be happy but i dont think that will help since a) she knows nothing thats wrong with me she just sees the mask i put on b) i tend not to let people get to close to me cuz then they try to get me to be a happy little girl c) i dont need anymore stress then i all ready have
ok i know its a little late but HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!!!!!!!!! anyways i was a prep for halloween(sry to anyone that is a prep) i got a lot of candy(yum). and it was really really fun, i even wore pink(i still hate pink) i went over to my friends house(who just happens to have the same name as me[scary]). trick or treating up here sucks, it was fun but you dont get a lot of cant and the houses are really far apart. i sucked and we had to go with her little sibs not saying that i dont like kids they just tend to think im scarry. but they just slowed us down, and wined that there feet hurt.
